__ Tuesday, August 03, 2004 ;

After the previous incident, i cut down on clubbing alot.. Just feel that i was living in a life with no goals or aim in the past.. Its time to start thinking now..

I was back to the life where i had not meet ting ting.. Life that was simple, with close friends around, going back home by 11pm everyday on weekday and slaking out or movies on weekends.. Yeah, everything was so simple and nice.. I start to feel like settling down.. I hope to find someone i can confide to, trust and build a long term relationship with.. going out with him every weekends etc.. Life with too many guys or people around u can be quite irritating.. alot of misunderstandings will occur too.. And i'm just sick of that kind of life, hurting people and have to explain for any misunderstandings due to my actions.. *yuckz*

Sometimes i wonder, is there really the existance of fate? I know this guy, Stanrick (My BF now) when i was 15. I always consider myself as having no fate with him because when we were young, we each have our own bf and gf.. And lost contacts for 4 or 5 years? Then, we talked again. This time, whenever he has a gf, i dont have a bf. But when he broke off with his gf, i have a bf. Things continued in this way.. Until when there is finally the chance when both of us are single.. However, i did not trust him.. I always thinking that he is joking with me when he tells me he likes me.. Then, he got a new gf again.. I started to feel sad.. I kept asking myself, why am i feeling this way.. I kept thinking of reasons to push away the weird feeling i have.. Like, i'm too used to talking to him.. now that he has gf, i have to Yuan Li him.. surely will feel weird..

(Story with stanrick to be continued next time)

Things did not work out between him and that girl and finally, we were together. I wanted to give both of us a chance.. So that i will not regret in the future.. Things were very unstable, his ex didnt want to give up and i had quite a hard time in the beginning.. But things were changing and we are getting on quite smoothly in our relationship..

But human beings are always like this.. they will always expect more and more.. For me, its also like this.. I've started to show attitude to stanrick.. Someone i have really come to love and care for.. For him, its starting to be the same too.. He's in a very bad mood today and he started talking to me in harsh tones.. saying i ask stupid questions..But its not my fault!! Both of us are mad when we know we care alot for each other.. But we just dont want to give in..

I'll change.. i really will.. Caring for someone should not be always being mad with that someone.. I will try my best not to argue with him anymore and ask stupid questions..

I need the angel within me to tell me what to do and to control my tempers.. *wishing upon a star and hope things turn out to be better and i can change to be a better self*


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