__ Monday, September 06, 2004 ;
I had a terrible day yesterday.. One of the worst or can i say its the worst i've ever had since i've been together with stanrick..
We met up at marsiling mrt station at 10am. Went for breakfast and then back to his place.. We surf the net and look for our blogskins.. Then, both of us fell asleep.. And woke up 2 hours later.. I went to the washroom and immediately after i came back, he told me i've got a msg in my hp.. Without thinking, since there's nothing for me to hide, i told him to read it for me since he's holding onto my phone..
Its from my friend, zhongquan, apologising for the late reply(I msg him yest) Stanrick got angry.. i mean really angry.. He asked me when i msg him.. i tried to explain.. I changed phone with stanrick, i'm using his samsung phone that day and there were messages inside.. quite alot in fact and if i dont clear, it will run out of spaces for new messages..I dont know which one is his and which is mine and there are only numbers for some and no name.. One of the no(Which is zhongquan's) is familiar but i'm not very sure if its him.. I dont want to anyhow delete messages in case its stanrick's friend..
Stanrick really flare up.. I wanted to leave.. to go home.. but he grab my hands until so hard and told me to settle things before leaving.. In the end, I hid below his blanket and cried... He has doubted me.. :(
Soon after, things were alright already.. I dont stay angry for long.. We continue to do our blogs, surf net and then we watched 13 going on 30.. After that, we went for dinner and i took a train home.. Stanrick wanted to send me home but i told him not to..
On the way home, i confessed to him abt something through the phone.......
Me: "Where are the box that you said you wanted to buy?"
Stan: "Buy the box ah, to keep all those letters and cards other girls gave me.. I've already thrown away all the photographs that will remind you of anything.. (I got upset that time when i saw michelle's photo still displaying on top of his cupboard and still in his wallet..)"
Me: "Really? You've thrown away? Its ok if you never you know.."
Stan: "Yeah.. I told you i've thrown away.."
Me: "I'm very sorry to tell you this, but i wanted to see where's the pig container with stars that i've made for you are at..I know i shouldnt even have open your drawers without asking you.. But what's done is already done and.... I saw something.... I saw some photos(the one in his wallet and the rest are those that was displaying on the cupboard) still in the drawer.. but you told me you've thrown away.."
Stan:" I said i've thrown away some.. not all.."
Me:" But why did you throw away some and not all? If you want to keep, keep all.. if you want to throw away, throw all.. Whats the meaning of throwing half and keeping some?"
Stan:" I have not cleared that part of the drawer.. thats why.."
ME:" Its really redundant to say that.. You know i was pissed off with that photo.. 2 days later you told me you've thrown away things.. Now, you still lied abt throwing it away.. if i never see it, i would really have believe you.. Even if you have throw away other photos, its funny u still keep the photo i was so pissed off with..( I was thinking.. It will only take 1 min to take out that photo- since u know it exist and throw it away.. wat for bother to find excuse and say you havent clear the drawer? If its other photos i find, i can still tell myself its ok, coz you might have forgotten theres a photo here.. But its that PHOTO, together with those i've seen it displaying on the cupboard.."
I strongly believe that its because he SHE BU DE to throw them away... I told him to give me some time to sort of my feelings.. Called up selena and told her.. She told me the same thing as i was thinking.. :(
Stan called and we talked.. i dont want to lose him.. but i cant forget that.. he SHE BU DE throw away the things.. Actually, he shouldnt have told me he's throwing away things in the first place.. give me false.. hmm.. hope?
I told him i wont give up on him... but, what if the past keeps taunting me??
[[I.Wish.I.Had.Not.Opened.That.Drawer.Things.Would.Have.Been.Alot.Easier]]
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Has Stopped10:00 AM ;
