__ Friday, April 29, 2005 ;

My BF is a meanie.

Who gets irritated easily.
Who needs to be honged.
Who gets angry and lectures me for being paranoid.
Who ignores me if i stepped on his tail.
Who never really cares for my tears in MAR 2005.
Who is stubborn and egoistic.
Who most of the time believes he's right.
Who is sometimes forgetful of things regarding me.
Who is a perfectionist.(The sub-standard things i do never gets his approval)


BUT


Unlying this meanster lies a doting bf....

Who spends all his free time with me.. REALLY!
Who made an effort to change for me.
Who puts me together with his studies on top priority.
Who try to include me in his life as best as he can.
Who can accompany me & my friends to club without his friends because he do not want us to be disappointed.
Who is willing to meet my friends and make an effort to know them.
Who cares for me and my family.
Who comes to my place to find me on weekdays when he's not working even though he's tired.
Who told me he's dry but still spent every single cent he has on me.
Who offers to help me pay for my internet bills even when he's only working PART time while i'm working FULL time.
Who gives me the best in everything~ (bought me a diamond ring during Valentine's day. The one i liked but dont know the price.- In the end, it turned out to be so expensive. Nevertheless, he splurge his pay on it to make me happy)
Who gives in to me on ALMOST everything.
Who is silly enough to think of providing and giving me a GOOD life in future, thus ending up feeling so stressed.
Who said he loves me... truely.

Snow *
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__ Tuesday, April 26, 2005 ;

Had an irritating day in the office. Uploaded some pixs to release my stress. Ha!
The ones with the girls are sent to me courtesy of stephie. Thanks gal for the pixs. Shall take more during our next outing. Haha!
The ones of me and Stanrick are actually taken in around Feb... no time to upload. But its better late than nothing rite? =)

Tmr's a new day. Hope my work in my office will be better.

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The 3 S.... Stephanie, Selena & Sharon Posted by Hello

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Me and Sel.... Posted by Hello

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Me and steph... at marina bay for steamboat on 23/04/05 Posted by Hello

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Me, before going clubbing with him.... Posted by Hello

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Me and him... At his place...Sweet memories Posted by Hello

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Monkey him... Think he's gonna kill me... But gals!! Finally caught him here!.. haha Posted by Hello

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Cute him... with a Big pimple on his nose.. Hahaha Posted by Hello

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He kisses me Posted by Hello

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__ Monday, April 25, 2005 ;

I said something really mean to him yesterday. Till now, i'm still having regrets abt it. Me and my big mouth.

I'm lucky he didnt just walk away yesterday(though he wanted to initially). I'm grateful for that. He acted as if nothing had just happened after that. I know he still didnt forget what i've said.. But he just dont want to let me know. Maybe, dont want me to feel guilty? I dont know how long he's going to remember that.. but i hope he'll forget it soon or eventually.. I dont want any grudges in our relationship.

I've learnt.

Auntie Jane is right. Its okay for a couple to fight. But we must not say any hurtful words. Otherwise, its too late to regret. I've said it.. i cant take it back no more. And now, i can only hope that he dont take it to heart and to be careful with my words next time. Stupid tongue, stupid rashness.

So people, even if u're very angry with someone or whatsoever, you must not say things you know you'll regret next time. I care alot abt his feelings. So i will not want to hurt him anymore. Even in the slightest way. But sometimes i'm stupid, i'm insensitive.. But i'll try. My best.

Baby took leave this whole week. As in till friday. So, i get to meet him on tuesday and wednesday. Since his paper is on Friday. Hope no sudden calls from workplace again.

Meeting the girls for dinner tonight. We've set a goal for each other. Only can have fastfood once a fortnight. Hmm.. Oh ya.. Wonders why quite a few people have commented that i've slim down. I dont believe it myself as i didnt do anything to tone down on my diet nor did i go gym regularly. In fact, i ate 3 meals everyday instead of my usual 2 last time. I went to weigh myself yesterday. I've really lost 2kg. Haha... Funny. Must jiayou more, lose 2 more kgs. Then, perfect. =)

Snow *
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__ Sunday, April 24, 2005 ;

Arrghhh...

He has got to work tonight... Sianz. Still thought can spend more time together.. Poor him got to juggle between work and studies. haiz. Poor me too.. got to endure his bad attitude due to lack of sleep.

Slacking around his place now. Trying to do a new layout for blog but too lazy le.

Yesterday morning he came to find me. Supposed to go gym with sel but didnt. Quite surprised when he called me the previous nite, at 2.10am.. saying that he dont need to go school in the morning already. Only going to his friend's place in the afternoon... so he told me he'll come and have breakfast with me. He reached at 10am and even bought a prepaid card for me to call lynn. Aww.. so sweet right. We saw tim too.. with his parents. After that went back to my place to rest. He left at 1pm and i went to get ready to meet Sel at 2pm. Saw yanfang at lot1. Said hi then we took train to city hall. Shop around citylink, then marina square and then suntec. Bought a pair of slipper from charles and keith. =) Sel too and she bought two more tops. Then went to marina bay for steamboat dinner. Her cell group members was also there. Hmm.. the way tim and her talk was quite.. funny.. abit lah. Haha. Anyway, didnt really eat alot. The food variety is very little. Then went to see Tim they all playh pool for a while, take photos then went home le. Coz steph lor.. didnt drive. Haha.. ANyway, i'm looking forward to the long weekend next week. Baby's having exams, not sure what i'll do.. But still.. Its long weekend, i dont have to work. =)

Shall go talk to him now.. he's wondering what i'm tying for so long. Bye!

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__ Friday, April 22, 2005 ;

Yeah.. i'm so happy...

Finally, its Friday! Nothing to look forward to for today, coz i'm too tired. Will most prob go home and have dinner and watch the 9pm show, read some books then its off to bed.

Quite looking forward to saturday. Plan to go gym with Sel in the morning. Then meet again in the afternoon to suntec and then to marina bay for steamboat dinner with the gals. Kinda excited. quite long never eat steamboat already. Hopefully it'll be a fun day. =)

Sunday will be going to stanrick's place to slack~ yeah. He's nt working this sunday. Hope his team leader dont ask him back to work again. I shall spend sunday slacking while he studies for his exams. Hahaha! *evil grinz*

Anyway, feeling kinda xing fu these 2 days. He's treating me very well, just like the past 11+ months, which is minus(Mar 2005) and first few days of April. yeah. That whole month was total nightmare, not worth thinking abt at all.

Had a quite night with him yesterday. Teasing and laughing at each other just like old times. I will always remember these happy times. And one very funny thing is that he actually told me he finally 'xiang tong'. As in came back on the right track. He almost 'xiang bu tong' and go be a monk.. as in throw me away and be alone. But luckily, he looked at all the photos that we took and feel that he 'she bu de'. Awww.... See? Luckily we took photos!! Haha. And quite alot somemore. Sometimes is i force him to take one lah. Haha.. But, it comes in useful eh.. ^_^

Shall hope, pray, wish, whatever that all these will last. At least for a while. =)

Lynn msg me in MSN. Quite surprise to see her online coz its like very long she didnt come online le. Almost half year. Then heard a sad news and a good news from her. Good news is that she has found a job. Sad news is.... hmm. Shall not write out. Its her privacy. Anyway, i hope she'll be her old cheerful self. I wont know how it has affected her until i've talk to her and i plan to do so these few days. To call her. And stanrick has offered to buy me the prepaid card. Thanks baby. Soon.. i'll see her again. At least thats what i hoped. =]

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__ Thursday, April 21, 2005 ;

I need to write this entry becoz it will always remain me of the things he did for me...

Today is the 10th day he has stopped doing the 'nonsense' that has so tortured me last month... He told me he'll stop.. on my birthday. And, he has kept to his promise so far. He didnt even access his old email anymore. I think he knows.. i didnt change his password. :) I can feel that he's really trying his best to improve.. to save this relationship.. i can feel his effort. Just two days ago, we had an unexpected talk on the phone after his work. I told him what i need, how i feel and he told me his views too.. why he needs to work so hard.. WHy is he feeling so frustrated with me when i dont understand.. The best and most important part is that he told me he's doing everything for OUR future.. I dont know if he knows, but his words consoled me and gave me strength to go on...

The next day, which is yesterday.. i feel scared coz of a mistake in work.. Becoz i told him i need care and concern and strength from him and becoz he admitted that he has been quite bo chap after he started working, he has tried to make an effort to call and ask me abt my work.. whether it has been solved etc..

Though its too soon to tell if all these changes will last, but at least to me.. he made an effort to try.. And thats enough for now.
For me, i will try to be understanding and not add stress to him unnecessarily. :)

JIAYOU BABY

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__ Wednesday, April 13, 2005 ;

Finally, its updating time. =)

Let me recall back, starting from Fri(08/04)~
Thought that Me & Him jialek until cannot jialek already.. Who knows, he went to meet his friends~ Sam & Pam, can msg me a msg telling me he's sorry, out of the blues.. without me expecting it.I was happy, but dont dare to expect too much coz i dont want to have disappointments again. Met up with Sel for dinner at Long John Silvers. Yum yum.. simply have cravings for it. Haha. My all time favourite food. Shop around lot 1, talk alot of craps, then left for home. Kinda cant sleep, he's not home, staying at his friend's place to rush his project. He msged me in the middle of the nite, telling me he still cant finish his project. I kind of expected we will not be able to meet up the next day..But still hoping for a chance to meet up.

Sat(09/04)~
Got woken up by his msg again @ abt 10am. Told me he's still not done yet. I got abit pissed, feel that he cant plan his time properly. Already planned to rot at home the whole morning and afternoon. But surprisingly, he msg me again at abt 11+am. Telling me he's going home already. Asked if i want to meet. We had a misunderstanding here, coz his next msg came in and say he has to work tonite. For me, i thought that he's telling me he got to work tonite, meaning he meant to go home to sleep, else he'll be tired. For him, he's just letting me know he's working tonite but still wants me to go over his place. I went to bathe, when i came out, i saw 4 missed calls and 3msgs from him. The msgs are all asking me whats wrong. Called him, and he attitude me, telling me just do wat i want. I gave him. I want to meet him, so i said its my mistake for misunderstanding. 5 minutes later, he called back to say sorry. Then again another 5 minutes later, called back and say.. I just want to say sorry. He's so funny. Went to his place and Nua for a while- he slept. Then both of us got ready, he went to work while i went to meet Sel and Stephie for dinner at Jurong Pt's Fish and Co. Shop around and i got myself a top as a birthday present for myself. hA! Went back to lot1, both stephie and i bought e33 to drink while sel bought the jack daniels. In the end, Sel didnt finish it coz she finds it too awful =X Sel was on the phone and i was talking to Stephie abt lots of things. Guess the bonds between the 3 of us are stronger now. Went home at abt 11pm.

Sun(10/04)~
Happy birthday to Hsiao Hui! Its a disappointing day. Stanrick told me the nite before to come to his place earlier. He's going to cook lunch for me and give me surprise. I reached at 11.30am. I walked to his place from Marsiling Mrt myself. Usually he'll fetch me from the train station. Was kinda sianz, but consoled myself thinking that maybe he's preparing my surprise. Got to his room, saw that he's sleeping and he still have the cheek to ask me to let him sleep for a while more. I got totally upset with him. Lied at one corner of the bed, thought abt things and just cried. I was so disappointed at him. Feels that he will just say but dont do.. He kept asking me whats wrong. But i dont want to tell him. Until he says this.. "Maybe we should reconsider things.." I looked at him and cried harder. Then he hugged me and asked me whats wrong again.. I told him how i feel. A moment of stillness.. Then he told me not to cry, coz "i dont feel too good seeing you cry" Asked me to try to understand. He's really tired, didnt sleep the previous nite. I was okay after a while. Went down and he cooked lunch for me. Slacked around after that and i took a cab to my Jiu Po's house while he went work. Jiu gong then drove us to Auntie Jane's place. Then 10 of us- Auntie Jane, Kelvin Uncle, YanYing, Yanzhi, their maid, Jiu Gong, Jiu Po, Jeslyn-Boon Siong's wife and son yixiang and me went to this restaurant~ Grand Shanghai which is somewhere near great world city for dinner. Its quite grand, with live singing~ Those chinese songs from the 70s. This dinner is actually to celebrate Auntie Jane's(11/04), Jeslyn's(11/04) and my(12/04)birthday. Thanks Auntie Jane. Had a very very full dinner. Then headed home.

Mon(11/04)~
Happy birthday Auntie Jane and Jeslyn! Was actually very sianz in the morning. Saw things that i dont want to see. Thought we will quarrel again. But maybe this incident has made me softer.. or wat. A change of attitude? I let him have a chance to explain. And he actually did. Usually he would just flare up and attitude me. But not this time. He even called me during lunch and explained to me the whole thing himself. So not him. But i guessed this method is working. Each one take a step back. This thing ended without any quarrels. But i still dont feel so good lah. Met him quite late, abt 7.45pm at lot1. He came with two big bags. Haha. He went to take 3 hamsters from Sam. The way he carried the bag actually looks quite cute. But i was determined to torture him, to push him to explain things further.. Which he did unexpectedly after 5 minutes of giving me attitude. He even told me what i can do with the password. Hmmm... Maybe, he really finally wants to end this issue and change le.. Hopefully? Haha. Nite time was spent blissfully. He looking at the hamsters innocently, kept commenting they look cute. Had dinner and he told me this.. "U know, every relationships will have ups and downs. Things cant stay ups forever. After a while, things will get mundane, then u will take each other for granted. But again, these periods will past.. then things will be fine again.." Indirectly, he's admitting he's taking me for granted? Hmm.. okok.. i admit. I do take him for granted sometimes. But, i've promised myself i'll change. =) Lets hope things are really like wat he'd said. I still wanted us to do things together. So i presuaded him to watch the 9pm show with me without fail on every monday and thursday(The only 2 days he dont have to work. hA!) Accompanied him for a smoke then he went home le.

Tues(12/04)~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!!! On leave today. =) Was actually quite surprised some of my no/seldom contact friends still remembers my birthday. Thanks peeps! Supposed to meet stanrick at 10+am.. but due to some problem on his side, it was delayed till 1pm. As i was early, took train down to Marsiling to wait for him then took train together to Kranji to wait for Sam and Pam. Went to JB for one day shopping trip and for food. Following weili's instruction, walked over to city square. Had lunch there at abt 2pm. Thanks Sam and Pam for the lunch. Then shopped around. Bought a top from mango and a bag- all courtesy of Stanrick Tan. hA! After that, took cab to Permas Jaya's pet shop where Sam and Pam bought stuffs for their dog- a golden retriver. Coming to Sam's place on wed(13/04). Had dinner at the Da Ma hua yuan @ 5+pm~ Pigs rite? Haha. Actually i was quite full. But no choice, they dont want to leave so late. So went to have early dinner. We ordered quite alot of things and i managed to finally eat the crayfish.. Yummy!! Actually, kind of regret.. coz i ate quite little only.. hmm, should have forced myself. Since its a once in a while kind of thing. haha. Oh ya, before dinner was served, Stanrick and Sam 'disappeared' to nowhere. Saying they want to walk around a while. I thought they went for a smoke. Pam and I sat there and talked. She's a really nice gal. Told me some things abt herself and Sam. Then told me alot of Sam's friends think stanrick has changed alot and that he's really tolerant to me.. WTH?!! Tolerate? Sound as if i'm a very jialek woman. Taught me to use different methods from now coz stanrick, like sam is a strong headed guy. Hmm.. Upon hearing wat Pam said, kind of dawn on me that stanrick has really changed alot for me already. He has cut down alot of contacts with other girls. He just needs more time in other aspects~ Hopefully.. both of us will be more matured in our relationship. Then stanrick called and asked if we're alright.. Only then i realised he's been gone for quite long and all the food are already here. Then, within 5 minutes, he came back with sam following behind. Each of them carrying a buoquet of roses. I'm so surprise! He has told me he's a practical guy, dont want to waste money on roses. And.. This is the first buoquet that i've gotten from him. Not that i liked flowers. I think they are not practical too. But i do like surprises. =X And he looks kind of funny carrying the roses. Even Pam said so.. Haha!! Dinner was treated by stanrick baby. Aww... feels so heart pain that he spent so much money. Reached back at lot1 at abt 7.45pm and its raining heavily. Went bread talk and he bought a mini cake for me. Then its back to my place. Bathe and ate the cake after he sang the birthday song for me. Went to watch the 9pm show together again. Haha. Tues he also can watch.. Coz, he took leave tonite too =) Had an enjoyable day today. Even though in the beginning, i wasnt smiling as much as i was supposed to be, i still enjoyed today and it will always stay in my memories.

Wah... i had blogged for abt 1hr. Better get back to work.. Meeting the gals for dinner tonite... Wonders what shall we eat... i'm still so full.. :)

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__ Monday, April 04, 2005 ;

你快乐吗


曲：涂惠元 | 词：胡如虹 | 编：陈敬诗
谁都没权利要求你离开他
即使他总让你伤心牵挂
我只能在你身边你说说话
听你说着他泪如雨下 跟自己挣扎
其实很多人 都爱得很傻 天真的守着
相爱承诺的话 不问自己快乐吗
只是一昧爱他 直到黯然心碎 才知心乱如麻
我想这就是所谓爱的代价 没有人多潇洒
爱好像燃烧的火花 会随时间升华
我想这就是所谓爱的代价
你不必逼自己离开他 别去管别人怎么看你
说你是傻瓜 问问你自己 你快乐吗

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This is my second entry for the day. Haha. I'm bored to this extend.

There's something for Selena.~
Gal, i know u're strong or at least u're trying to be strong. But i just want to let you know.. Steph and i cares alot abt you.. So, if u're feeling really down or sad or watsoever.. We're just a phone call away. Dont keep everything to yourself. Its not going to do you any good. U can put on your strong front in front of everyone else. But not us. With us, when u're not happy, u dont have to smile. I know how difficult it is when u still have to put on a smile when inside u just feel like shutting urself up and cry. Just be your natural self in front of us and dont fight your tears. Steph is very worried abt you on sat.. i think u know. We will be there for you, just like how two of you are there for me on tues.
When i'm all alone at home on tues, the 45mins phone call from you when u're working really brightens up my day.. And not forgetting our sushi dinner and out hugh mountain of the twist ice cream.. It brought laughters to me when i thought i can no longer laugh. So, dont worry..... all these will be over soon.

I wont ask you to give up.. Instead, i'll ask u to follow your heart and do what u deem fit.. If u think he's worth it, go ahead and do whatever things to win him back.. I'll support you, just like what i told you on sat.. Do the things u think u wont regret. Listen to Jolin's Ni Kuai Le Ma and tell urself.. dont have to care what others think of you.. whether u're silly not to give up or wat.. just ask urself.. Are u happy?

I know u can do it gal.... Jiayou!!!

Snow *
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Weili will not be here for 2 days. I'm so bored. Haiz.. have to eat lunch alone. Cant slack.. Means working hour will be longer. Monday blues..

Went to watch Ms Congenality2 with Selena on Sat. Boring show. I cant even sit still for that 2hrs. Haha. Partly because i had terrible stomach cramps. But luckily, the worst only came when i'm home and on my bed. Really the worst i've had. I had to pop panadols to make me sleep, to forget the pain.

As much as i hate to admit, i cant imagine life without him. There's no other i want to love. No other i can call my baby, my prince. Dont puke. Its all what i feel.. Last week was a terrible week. I had lots of time to think. Conclusion- Even though its always me suggesting a break off, i'm the one who will be more affected and sad if it really happens or when it happened.

The other time, Uncle Boon Siong said:" If he had other girls?"
"I'll just break off with him lor..."
Him: "No, u're cry urself to death and u'll be so sad..."
Me: "Shrugs"

But, i think what he said is true. I will, though i will tell myself i still have to live my life.

I think i'm paranoid butI cant change that. I used to laugh when someone told me he's paranoid when he's with me. I even detest him for being clingy... But guess now i'm the clingy one. I'm just so afraid of him doing something to spoil this relationship.. Haiz, anyway, relationships are a bother.

I know i'm not making much sense here. Just feeling bored. Plain bored.

Snow *
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